The Adventures of Batdork Hockeypads
by griZzlyAngel
Summary: In a city far, far away, there lived a confused man in a bat suit, a gorgeous clown with a knife, and many, many other crazy, weird people that you would most likely never want to meet in a dark alley.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, so, I really don't know where this idea came from. I was just sitting on my couch watching Spongebob, when it suddenly occurred to me. Go figure. Anyway, this is pure parody, and I do not wish to offend any Batman fans or lovers out there. I myself am actually a lover of the bat as well as the clown, so you know I am not doing this just because I don't like him.

Disclaimer: I don't own Batman, Joker, Gotham, or anything else related to them.

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It was another beautiful day in beautiful Gotham, where only the most beautiful people lived-like the Joker. In fact, at that very moment, the dear Clown Prince of Crime was striding along the polished marble floors of the Gotham City Bank, having just successfully robbed the building with the help of his brutish thugs. He smiled proudly to himself, observing the line of bound hostages in front of him.

"God, am I genius!" he boasted, flipping his green-tinged, golden locks over his shoulder with his purple-gloved hand.

Suddenly, there was crash from behind him. The Joker whirled around, and sighed irritably when he saw who it was.

Standing about thirty or so feet away-well, actually, he was flat on his back-was none other than the Caped Crusader himself, Batman.

"Well, if it isn't Batdork Hockeypads come to save the day." the Joker drawled, rolling his eyes. "Are you just gonna lay there all day or are you gonna get up and actually try to stop me?"

Batman huffed, sitting up straight. "My name is Batman, and I am NOT wearing hockey pads!"

The Joker watched the man dressed in a flimsy bat suit stand up from the floor, smirking.

"Stop what you are doing now, or suffer my wrath!" Batman commanded.

"What _wrath?" _the Joker raised a brow at him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"My BAT WRATH!"

The Joker's brow screwed together, as his cronies snickered.

"Look, Batsy, I'll make a deal with you. You leave now, and I won't throw my knife in your face, okay?"

Batman stomped his foot, jaw set in determination as he stared his arch nemesis down.

"NEVER!"

The Joker sighed again, his shoulders slouching. "So be it."

He withdrew a shiny, sharp knife from his coat, and held it up. Batman, readying to pounce, caught sight of the shiny object, and he stopped almost instantly. His dark eyes grew huge with awe.

"_Shiiiiiinyyyyy."_

The Joker, about to fling the knife, held back, and gave him a questioning look.

"Huh?"

Batman lifted his arm, and pointed at the knife, his eyes sparkling.

"It's shiny. I like shiny."

The Joker looked from Batman to his knife in bewilderment.

"I think he's talking about your knife, Boss." some masked thug spoke up behind him.

"I _know _what he's _talking about!" _the Joker snapped at his thug, then grinned forcedly at the still-mesmerized bat. "Like the shiny, eh?"

Batman nodded, not taking his eyes off of the knife. "_Yeeees."_

"Then _fetch!" _the Joker chucked the knife across the way.

The sharp instrument flew over Batman's head, and he whipped about, chasing after it on all fours without a second thought in mind. The Joker chuckled quietly.

"Stupid bat."

He then turned back to the task at hand, and ordered his thugs to retrieve the rest of the loot. Once the thousands of pounds of money was loaded up, the Joker shot his remaining thugs, and, with a giddy laugh, leapt into the driver's seat of the truck containing the money, and sped away in the blink of an eye.

---

Uh, yeah, that was… Strange…


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Couldn't help but throw another one up. Warning, though, I wrote this up at three in the morning.

Disclaimer: I don't own Batman, Joker, Gotham, or anything else related to them.

---

Night had fallen over Gotham, and somewhere deep within the city a party was in motion. The Joker often held parties when he felt it were appropriate. The reason for the one at present was his victory over the bat yet again. He'd been nabbing some free kids' movies at the local video store, when the disturbed dark knight had blasted through the window- squashing two six year olds in the act-and tried catching the Joker with his lasso thingy, but, as it turned out, the rope hadn't been long enough. So then, Batman had had to go all ninja on the Joker. Unfortunately, his ninja skills were poor, and the Joker had a great arm. One whack to the head with a dirty, old, _Teletubbies _video, and the bat had hit the floor instantly.

And so now, the Joker was celebrating this epic win with a few cases of _Mountain Dew, _some Lady Gaga, and a viewing of _The Never Ending Story. _

"Oooo_wheeeeee, _I love myself!" he danced about the place, laughing heartily as he slapped and kicked the majority of the party-goers.

If truth be told, the people attending the party were actually kidnapped and brought here against their will. They all wore clown masks, and danced crazily, dreading to think of what the Joker might do to them if they disappointed him. However, the Joker was actually enjoying himself. He hadn't been this high on sugar in a long, long, long, _long _time. And, boy, did it feel _good. _

Just as he was about to jump on top of the pool table for a quick strip tease, the doors at the other end of the room burst open, and in stumbled Batman.

"I am HERE Joker!" he announced, puffing out his fake muscular chest.

The Joker ceased his dance of delight, and frowned at the bat.

"Damn it. Don't you have anything _better _to do than harass _me?"_

Batman thought about this for a moment, then shook his head sadly.

"No."

"Ugh, go _away, _Batfag! Can't you see I'm throwing a party for my splendiferousness at bringing you down to the level of EPIC FAIL once again?"

Batman looked dumbfounded, but mostly dumb.

"Surrender Joker!" he commanded.

The Joker, losing patience, snatched up a discarded empty _Mountain Dew _can, and belted it at him. The can hit Batman on the nose, sending him flying backwards. He hit the floor with a _thump!_

The Joker laughed at him.

"You'll never defeat me, Batturd! Because you are a LOSER! And I am a WINNER!"

Batman, dazed, shook his head, and stood back up.

"I am NOT a loser! You're just jealous that I have a cape and you don't!" he shot back.

The Joker scoffed. _"Jealous? _Of your _cape? _Damn, you are such a moron, Batty."

"Stop calling me names!" Batman stomped his foot, his bottom lip trembling.

"You're an idiot! A dork! A retard! A jackass! A freak! A booger-eating-toe-sucking-turd-burgling-butt-knocking-cock-blocking-bitch-slapping-Sunday-driving-unlucky-crack-whore-scum-bag-Canadian-snuffing-fart-nosed-smurf-dick-baby-pants, from the planet _Nerd Balls!"_

"_IT'S NOT TRUE!" _Batman held his head in agony.

"Yes it is, and you know it!" the Joker pointed his finger at him.

"_NOOOOOOOOO!!" _Batman howled, then, without a warning, he bolted at the Joker with all the fury of a wild mustang stallion who'd just been touched in the wrong way.

The Joker, caught up in his own fit of laughter, didn't see the bat coming at him until the last minute, when it was too late, and he went flying. He flipped through the air and landed on top of some fat lady with a toupee and mustache. Groaning, the clown lifted himself up off of the unconscious woman.

"Why I outta-" but he stopped short when he saw that Batman was messing with his stereo system. "Hey, what do you think you're doing, Batsack?"

"Lady Gaga gives me a bad rash and diarrhea at three o'clock in the morning." Batman explained, putting a stop to _Poker Face _with a press of the pause button.

"Oh HELL no!" Joker hurried over, shoving the bat aside, and playing the song.

"No, you don't understand! It _really _hurts my butt! And Alfred never wants to help me wipe!" Batman whined earnestly.

"I don't effing care about your bowel problems! Get out of my house! NOW!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"I DREAM OF BOY GEORGE EVERY WEDNESDAY NIGHT!"

"Ye- _what?" _the Joker gave him a WTF sort of look, raising at eyebrow.

Batman pinned his lips, obviously embarrassed.

"Do you like cheese?"

The Joker sighed, pulling his hand over his face roughly.

"Would you please leave. _Please."_

Batman shuffled his foot for a second or so, then suddenly grabbed the Joker, and tossed him out of an open window. The party-goers gasped in unison, then broke out into a loud cheer. Batman glared at them, then, shrugging, jumped out of the window after the falling clown, exclaiming as he went-

"BATMAN, HOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The Joker, screaming his head off, knowing for certain that this was the end of the line, squeaked when two strong arms encircled his waist.

"The hell?" he twisted his neck around.

Batman grinned back at him stupidly, his eyes crossed.

The Joker furrowed his brow and sighed exhaustedly.

"Shit."

---

Wow, I have a seriously deranged mind…


End file.
